Loving Money
Counseling for Gambling, Spending Addiction & Debt Accumulation

Gambling, spending addiction and debt accumulation are different sides of the same ”coin,” the inappropriate use and reliance upon money, the power it purchases and the control it promises.

   Julie and Tom were about as different as night and day. Julie came in for counseling on her own; Tom was hostile about being ‘dragged into counseling by his wife. Julie was in a stable second marriage with three children; at 27, Tom had been married less than a year with no children. Julie had a good job she’d been in for almost eight years; Tom had a pattern of on-again-off-again employ-ment, with eight months being the longest job he’d held.

   With all of their differences, Julie and Tom were remarkably similar. Both were unhappy. Julie and Tom were both involved in secretive behaviors they kept from their families. Both had trouble sleeping. Each used alcohol to deal with the pressures of their lives, but were not alcoholics. Julie and Tom both had trouble sleeping and reported a negative impact on family and jobs as a result.

   Julie and Tom were both depressed and had become addicted to compulsive avoidance behaviors-Tom to gambling and Julie to shopping. For both, their drug of choice was money. For both, recovery would mean addressing the whole-person, not just the behavior.

Whole Person Recovery

At The Center, we use a cognitive behavioral model of therapy, expanded to include what we call the whole person. We absolutely believe people can come to understand the reasons or roots of a compulsive disorder but we know that those reasons encompass the whole person-emotionally, relationally, physically and spiritually.

Emotional Roots

   Both Julie and Tom were numbing reality through their spending/gambling behaviors. According to Lorrin Koran,
M.D., director of the Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Clinic at Stanford University, compulsive shopping is used as a way to deflect negative emotional states “This chronic impulse is often brought on by or associated with feelings of tension, anxiety, boredom or depression. Purchases are followed by regret, guiltand resolve not to do it again.” 1

  This follows a similar cycle of the three phases of a gambling addiction-the winning phase, the losing phase and the desperation phase-as identified by Robert L. Cluster, M.D. 2 While shopping, the purchase itself is like a “win.” Some compulsive shoppers have reported an adrenaline rush as the credit card is swiped. However, the “loss” of regret soon follows, and in desperation, the shopper will return to purchase again. A vicious cycle of addictive behavior is easily begun.

Emotional Recovery

   Whether gambling or shopping, Julie and Tom were seeking to relieve a state of emotional discomfort, which was in turn exacerbated by their cycles of compulsivity. Each was drawn by the desire to repeat the euphoric suspension of reality brought about by either a purchase or a win. Each spent a harmful amount of time dreaming of their fantasy world –Tom, of a life where his inability to hold a job wouldn’t matter, and Julie, of a life where all the clothes she purchased, no matter how small the size, fit her perfectly.

   In order to recover emotionally, Julie and Tom needed to come to terms with the real consequences of their decisions. They also needed to understand the source of the tension, anxiety, boredom or depression they were trying so hard to relieve. Once the source was understood, Julie and Tom were able to move forward, past those emotions, and make different choices.

Relational Roots

   Julie grew up in a household where she felt like an after-thought. Both of her parents worked and she was left alone a good deal of her adoles-cence. Her parents often gave her things instead of time. Neglected at home, she was well-known and acknowledge-ed at local boutiques by the time she was in her teens. When life in general didn’t go her way, Julie learned she could regain control through purchasing power.

   Tom, on the other hand, never had much growing up. He started working when he was young and was expected to pay his own way. There was never enough money for all the things he wanted. It took too long to earn money so Tom began wagering on sporting events with his classmates while in high school. As soon as he was old enough, Tom became a regular at the local casino.

Relational Recovery

   Both Julie and Tom were enmeshed in a false reality, where recognition, power and acceptance came through their disorders. Julie chose the “secure” relationship of shopping over the more unpredictable relationships with her husband and children. Tom chose to seek affirmation and acceptance through gambling, rather than through a deeper relationship with his new wife.

   In order to recover, both needed to make a choice to value substantive relationships over superficial gratification. They needed to give up their “lovers” of shopping and gambling in order to invest the time and energy into their real-life families.

Physical Roots

Compulsive behaviors cause physical reactions. Adrenaline produces a rush. Endorphins and dopamine produce the feelings of pleasure that become so addictive. It’s as if people become addicted to their own mood-altering substances. Many gamblers and shoppers also turn to alcohol, drugs and nicotine as co-occurring addictions. When these physically addictive substances are coupled with the emotional needs filled by the behavior, they produce a potent barrier to recovery. Because of this, compulsive spenders and gamblers should be screened for substance abuse.

Physical Recovery

   Physical recovery comes from the components of good health in general. A healthy, well-fed, well-nourished body is better able to withstand emotional challenges. For Julie and Tom, both were neglecting their physical health. Julie’s lifestyle was far too sedentary and her weight continued to go up year-after- year. Tom was smoking, consuming too much alcohol and eating a nutrient-poor diet. Neither took any sort of nutritional supplement and both found it hard to relax and enjoy restorative sleep.

   The couple was counseled in proper hydration, supplementation and nutrition. Both learned that physical exercise is also able to produce adrenaline, endor-phins and dopamine. With better nutrition and the intro-duction of a physically active lifestyle, Julie and Tom found their sleep patterns improved, as did their energy levels and decision-making skills.

Spiritual Roots

Proverbs 21:17 says, “He who loves pleasure will become poor; whoever loves wine and oil will never be rich.” Julie and Tom both sought satisfaction through money. If they had listened to Solomon, they would have known their pursuits were meaningless. Ecclesiastes 510 says, “Whoever loves money never has money enough.” Chasing after physical wealth put them on an endless treadmill lead-ing to spiritual poverty.

Spiritual Recovery

   In Luke 8, Jesus tells the parable of seeds that fell upon different types of soil, one type that describes Julie and Tom: “The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature” (Luke 8:14).

   In order to spiritually mature and recover, Julie and Tom needed to put aside their reliance on money and turn
instead to God as their source of comfort, affirmation, acceptance and security. Hebrews 13:5 puts it this way: “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Both Julie and Tom needed to amend the soil of their lives through spiritual enrichment.

Action Steps to Recovery

Gambling, spending addiction and debt accumulation are different sides of the same “coin,” the inappropriate use and reliance upon money, the power it purchases and the control it promises. Recovery for both Julie and Tom meant
taking concrete steps to turn their lives around from their compulsive disorders.

Julie’s Road Home

• Admitting her inability to handle her own finances and shopping/spending
• Closing her personal bank account and cutting up her credit cards
• Partnering with her husband to havea clear idea of the family finances
• Partnering with her husband on a specific, quantifiable plan to pay off her accumulated debt, including contacting a consumer credit counselor for professional help and expertise
• Shopping only when accompanied by someone from a selected group of family and friends aware of her struggles and prepared to help her be accountable
• Continuing in weekly psychotherapy sessions to address her underlying depression and teach emotional coping skillsCommitting to a healthier lifestyle that included better nutrition, weight loss and physical exercise.
• Becoming part of a recovery-accountability group at church
• Committing to regular church attendance, Bible reading and prayer-individually, with her family and with a church Bible group

Tom’s Road Home

• Admitting his addiction to gambling
• Turning over the checkbook and family finances to his wife and cutting up his credit cards
• Direct depositing his paychecks into the family bank account
• Committing to always coming home directly after work
• Partnering with his wife in a concrete, manageable plan to restore their family finances and meeting weekly to go over expenditures
• Continuing in weekly psychotherapy sessions to address anger management issues and gain skills in how to successfully handle delayed gratification
• Committing to a healthier diet and regular exercise
• Stopping consumption of alcohol and beginning a smoking cessation program
• Attending weekly church services and a mid-week Bible study
• Joining a men’s support-accountability group at church

Other Resources

   We treat both mental health and chemical dependency issues at The Center, so we are able to address any co-occurring substance abuse issues with compulsive gambling or shopping/debt. In doing so, we recognize the tremendous benefit to our clients of participating in local Alcoholics Anonymous groups, of which there are many in the Seattle area. Used
in conjunction with our own 12-Step type treatment groups, these self-help groups are tremendously important in long-term recovery.

   Because of the success of groups like Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous other compulsive disorder groups are using a similar 12-Step approach. For pathological gamblers, there is Gamblers Anonymous and for compulsive spenders there is Debtors Anonymous. All time they hold the fewest number of meetings, but the information is still very helpful, and given the need, more groups should be starting in the future.